Lesson Two: How to steal weed.
Not many things make me want to bitch slap someone. I’m just not a bitch slapping type of person, but when people decided they have the right to hit the bud that I payed for multiple times, I want to fucking slap a bitch. If you happen to find yourself hitting someones bowl twice, and it’s not ” puff, puff, pass ” then expect to get decked in your face. And if you even think about stealing my bud I’ll crush your balls with my steel toe boots. I don’t actually own any, but trust me, steal more than a gram and I’ll fucking find some.While stealing weed/extra chiefing is a very, very bad thing to do among friends or people you smoke with regularly, there is a time and place for this. And I am here to tell you what they are!
- The bowl is packed. Your smoking buddy is being a dick. They’re leaving for the bathroom. If the bowl has already been hit once or twice, while they’re in the bathroom hit that shit about…4 to 5 times depending on how big the bowl is. You don’t want to cash it or else they’ll know you just completely smoked the whole bowl to yourself.
- If you have a lot of weed to work with, and they just left you with a freshly packed bowl, then while they’re draining the main vain super smoke that entire fucking bowl. I’m talking big ass hit after big ass hit. Cash that bowl in 30 seconds or less, pack another bowl, put it back where it was, and act like you were texting the whole time. This technique works especially well if your friend is taking a shit. The more time the better.
If you can’t smoke it, take it.
- Your friend is being a douche. You want to take their weed. But they won’t leave the room. Don’t worry, where there’s a desperate stoner there’s a way! Tell your friend you’re going to pack the bowl ( or roll the joint ), nine times out of ten they’ll gladly let you go through the trouble of doing it because packing bowls and rolling can get fucking tedious. While you’re packing the bowl take more weed than you need to fill it ( don’t be a dumbass, be discreet ). When you have that over sized nug rip it in half. Take one half and hide it in between your fingers or up your sleeve or in the palm of your hand. Use the other half to actually pack the bowl. Do this enough, by the end of your smoking session you’ll have close to half the bag with out this dipshit suspecting anything.
- Last, but not least. Bag of weed is sitting there. Friend is not in the room. This one is pretty self explanatory. Open bag, take weed, close bag, put bag back where it was. The end. You have officially gotten back at whatever asshole you’re smoking with.
I only advocate doing this if it’s to a person you hate or if they’re pissing you off. If you’re going it do someone that’s good friend to you, then you’re a dick and I hope that person is reading this right now now they can start stealing your weed too.
WARNING: If caught doing this you may get your ass beat, but if you wear good shoes there’s always a chance you can out run them…. So, keep that in mind.
Disclaimer: I do not advocate doing this, I just write this shit in good fun. So please don’t hunt me down and kill me in my sleep.
That is all.
Thank you, come again.
- Chronic ( is the shit )